The Apostle Paul said our words should be tasty, well-seasoned, and correct for the need of the moment. “Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6 NAS). How can we be sure that our words taste just right to our listeners’ ears? There are at least three habits that can help us say the right thing in the right way more often.
Listen first
First, develop the habit of careful listening before saying anything. For eighteen years of my career I was a business consultant doing classroom training and individual sessions with managers. I noticed that one of my colleagues often tried to answer client questions quickly. That was a mistake. Even simple questions may require more information from the person asking the question, and you may need a few moments of reflection to give the best response. This is what James instructs us to do. “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19 NAS). This can be very valuable especially when it feels like someone is attacking you. Take time to understand what the issue is and try not to respond with anger or defensiveness.
Say less
In addition to James’ advice to be slow to speak, we should also practice saying less. The habit of restraining our words is a good one. I’m an introvert and usually quiet, but there are times that even I talk way too much (Just ask my wife.), so I need to learn to hold my tongue. “One who withholds his words has knowledge, And one who has a cool spirit is a person of understanding” (Proverbs 17:27 NAS). You and I don’t have to say all we know about a matter. If more information is needed, let the other person ask for more. They’ll probably be more receptive to your message than if you said too much to start with.
Guard your heart
A third habit is to consciously guard what is coming into your mind. “Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23 NAS). The gospel of Luke shows the consequences of following or rejecting this proverbial advice. “The good person out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil person out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart” (Luke 6:45 NAS). In the verses prior to this one Jesus says that we can identify good and bad people by the fruit they produce whether their fruit be good or bad.
Usually we think of the things we do as evidence of our true character, but in this passage, Jesus explains that the things we say are from the overflow of what’s in our hearts. If you and I have evil things in our minds, then the words we say to other people are more likely to be laced with evil. If we habitually take good things into our minds then good and positive speech is more likely to come from us.
How could we, good people, have evil filling our hearts? Easy. We’re not all that good to start with, and the world daily spews all kinds of corrupt ideas at us. If we consume evil and let our hearts fill up with bad stuff, we will become evil. It will show up in what we say and do. We need to get rid of the evil we may be harboring. The Apostle Paul provides great instructions in the book of Ephesians about how we should speak and act against the gunk that may be lurking within. Ephesians reiterates the above Colossians passage about the need for speaking edifying words and identifies specific things we need to remove from our spirits.
Let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but if there is any good word for edification according to the need of the moment, say that, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32 NAS)
Do you want to speak grace-filled, edifying words? Examine what you’ve allowed to build up in your spirit. Have you been insulted, wronged, treated unjustly? Want to get even? You could be storing anger, bitterness, evil intentions, and malice.
These things grieve the Holy Spirit, who resides in everyone who has obeyed Jesus and put him on as Lord. Paul urges us to get rid of all this evil, clean out our hearts and our speech is more likely to be sweet to the taste and pleasing to the Lord.
Read scripture daily and consciously evaluate the information and media you are consuming. Seek what refines your character and avoid what pollutes your mind. During the next tough encounter listen carefully before responding and restrain yourself from saying all you feel like saying.
Photo by Calum Lewis on Unsplash